I am borrowing some of this information from a blog from Crazy Clean Car Wash in Odessa, TX. They have 3 locations and would be happy to hook you up if you’re visiting! Love y’alls blogs!
Having a rich history of blog posts talking about just everything there is to discuss about dirty cars, we’ve sure been a bit nebulous about what a “dirty car” even means. It’s time to talk about the different types of dirty cars, and the impression they might leave on people.
Beware — you may think you’re exempt from this list, but uncleanliness takes many shapes and forms. You can bet, before the end, you’ll find at least one description that applies to you. That is, of course, unless you’re staying on top of everything by partaking in monthly car washes and vacuums.
Here are many different types of dirty cars, and what they might say about you!
THE DIRT CLOD
This is perhaps the most extreme type of dirty car, and likely the one we’d use if we wanted a hilariously exaggerated representation of why car washes are needed. You’ve seen it before — the car that’s so caked in dried mud that it may as well be a rolling dirt hill. You see it and wonder how it was even possible for so much to be caked onto one vehicle. You wonder how it can even drive, how the six inches of crusty gunk aren’t inhibiting its motor somehow.
The dirt clod is the most extreme offender of all dirty cars, and it’s usually caused when adventurous folks go on camping or mudding trips. These activities on their own are wholesome and fun — the veritable mess that they leave your car in, however, is less than appealing. Forget about going home to relax — your local car wash should be the first destination when your car meets this description.
WHAT IT SAYS ABOUT YOU
There’s nothing more that needs to be said to the driver of a dirt clod other than “Get a freaking car wash, dude!” That really sums things up, and if your car is so hilariously dirty that it doesn’t even look like a car anymore, you’re making yourself look lazy and reckless. Go get a car wash!
THE PEARL
Have you ever faced the prospect of getting into someone’s car for the first time, only to see it and be instantly horrified about how outwardly dirty it is? Have you then gotten into said car, being suddenly taken back by its pristine beauty and ineffable cleanliness? If you have experienced this, you have ridden inside a pearl.
We call these cars “pearls” because they’re nasty and frankly ugly on the outside (much like an oyster), and yet inside they’re a thing of pure perfection. It is a strange and rare phenomenon, much like pearls themselves. Typically, an outwardly dirty car isn’t much better on the inside. But, it’s still an issue, so even if you have no need for car vacuums, it’s still prudent to take a pearl through the car wash.
WHAT IT SAYS ABOUT YOU
Someone who drives a pearl is one who clearly respects cleanliness — this is someone who has the discipline to keep a space clean, but for one reason or another, they have faltered to do it all the way. A pearl driver is someone who cares about function more than form — a clean space inside the car is essential because that’s where they spend all their time, while the exterior gets ignored. If you drive a pearl, you’re so close to perfection — just go finish the job!
THE STREAKER
No, we’re not talking about that kind of streaking, though driving a “streaker” car might be just as bad. A streaker, for lack of better words, is a car that’s plagued with sightly streaks all over its surface. It’s usually not that bad, except for in all of the places that matter. That’s right, you can guarantee there will be streaks all over the windshield and driver/passenger windows, conveniently getting in the way of your vision and blinding you with the might of a thousand suns if they happen to catch the light.
Streaky cars usually didn’t get dirty for lack of trying — it usually just means that there was an ill-fated attempt to clean the car that ended up doing more damage than it fixed.
WHAT IT SAYS ABOUT YOU
If you happen to be a streaker, give yourself a pat on the back. Because, well, you tried. You tried to clean your car, maybe even saving yourself a few bucks in the process by opting for a hand wash. But the game was rigged from the start — you didn’t have the cards in your hand to know that your washing attempt would just end up smearing water everywhere since you didn’t have spot-free water. You didn’t know that the hot Texas sun would just dissolve the water into thin air and leave marks. Luckily, there’s a way to turn things around. Pro Auto Spas uses special spot-free water(r/o), and your car is rinsed and dried in the shop before the sun can mess everything up. Your car will be spotless. Save yourself the trouble of a hand-wash and just come see us next time!
TORNADO ALLEY
Okay, we’re getting a little unorthodox with our names now, but hear us out. A car driving through “tornado alley” is one that, while seemingly inconspicuous on the outside, is a total trainwreck on the inside — almost as if a tornado formed inside of it.
The gang’s all here in a tornado car — fast food wrappers, happy meal boxes, scattered tissues (which may or may not be used), random trinkets and widgets, empty cups in the cup holders, on and on it goes. This is basically just a clever way of saying that the car is completely chock-full of junk.
You know who you are. Even the best of us aren’t pros at keeping our car interior clean. Maybe it’s not at the level of being in “tornado alley,” but it’s exceedingly easy for the inside of a vehicle to quickly become a mess. Begin your battle against uncleanliness by coming to Pro Auto Spas. We will not only get the old spilled milkshake off the center console, but we’ll also ceramic coat the inside so you won’t get stains from these mishaps, and it’s WAY easier to keep it clean.
WHAT IT SAYS ABOUT YOU
If you’ve driven through tornado alley, then you’ve clearly got organizational issues. This can be a big turn-off to anyone for whom you’re trying to make a good impression. You can bet that potential partners, employers, or mentors aren’t going to be impressed if they have to ride inside a pigsty. Get the car cleaned up! This will not only look good to others, it’ll probably make you feel better too.
Okay, our friends at Crazy Clean listed 4 types of cars…. but I have one more.
PRO AUTO SPAS CAR
It’s clean and shiny all the time. Set up monthly maintenance and we’ll keep the inside and outside spotless–at a discount! We cannot add glitter, like this car, but we’ll keep it the shiniest car on the road!
WHAT IT SAYS ABOUT YOU
You are clearly a genius with a wonderful love of vehicles!!
Come see us!
